We’re not saying it’s a hoot and a holler over at the Dominion Voting Systems vs. Fox News trial, but a “jury selection laugh-o-meter” might be necessary when they choose the jurors for the $1.6 billion defamation case. Dominion’s lawyers are totally jazzed about keeping those die-hard Tucker Carlson fans off the jury panels. They’ve got their squirt guns ready if any Mike Lindell pillow-talkers or Rudy Giuliani defenders try to sneak in.
Dominion’s attorney, Justin “Party Pooper” Nelson, is all like, “We don’t want jurors who can’t follow instructions. I mean, if they love Mike Lindell and his fabulous pillows, how can they be impartial?” Judge Eric M. “Fair and Balanced” Davis wants to make sure no one’s biased or has a funny bone tingling over a Lindell joke. Anyone muttering something about Mike being a great guy or a bad guy will be tossed like a wet salad.
Even though prospective jurors in Delaware might know their native son Joe Biden won the state by 19 points in 2020, Judge Davis doesn’t think those votes are relevant. He’s like the bouncer at a nightclub, only letting in those who have no conflicts and “can be fair and impartial.” But he’s also put a muzzle on Dominion’s ability to find out if jurors are proper Fox News groupies, limiting the questioning to just one catchall query. The magic question will ask, “Do you watch Fox News a lot? And if so, can you still be fair and impartial?”
Judge Davis suggests that some Fox viewers are undercover agents, secretly watching “the other side.” And while the network’s devout viewers lean to the right, they’ve still got some Democrats hanging around. To make sure they get a balanced jury, both Fox and Dominion can use their superpowers to strike nine jurors they don’t like (six for the main pool and three alternates), plus an unlimited number of strikes “for cause” (like someone wearing a Lindell fan-club T-shirt).
Jury consultant Roy Futterman believes both sides will end up with a “middle-of-the-road” group, but Dominion will likely get rid of die-hard Fox viewers and those with red MAGA hats hiding in their closets. Susan G. Fillichio, fellow jury connoisseur, thinks Fox will be on the lookout for jurors who dig Carlson’s vibes and don’t mind rough-and-tumble criticism. Dominion, on the other hand, wants people who feel wronged in their daily lives and can empathize with the company.
So, if you’re a Tucker Carlson superfan with a Mike Lindell pillow shrine, your chances of making this jury are about as good as a rubber banana. Dominion will probably fight tooth and nail to keep you out of the jury room, while Fox might be more inclined to invite you for a cozy chat.
As we all wait with bated breath for the jury selection, Judge Davis remains “pretty confident” he’ll find enough impartial jurors for the case. With the stakes so high and the media coverage so extensive, you might just want to grab some popcorn, your favorite Mike Lindell pillow, and settle in for a wild ride.
