Oh, the joys of dealing with adult children and their parent-decreed attendance (or lack thereof) at family events! Auntie has quite the conundrum here: she kindly sends a separate invitation to each family member, including her two nephews who are adults (ages 26 and 30), because they live and work near her humble abode. However, her sister takes it upon herself to RSVP on behalf of everyone, without seeming to consult anyone else.
The first time, the sister declined the invitation faster than you can say, “Hey, did you ask the boys?” So Auntie is left feeling miffed, hurt, and wondering whether she should be meddling a bit more to find out if her nephews are aware that their mom has stamped a big NO on their behalf.
Well, Auntie, here’s what good ol’ Miss Manners would do: treat your sister as if she’s still in the age of believing that her adult children are still just children. (Well, you didn’t talk down to your nephews as kids, did you? So give your sister the same respect.)
However, this doesn’t mean you should sit idly by as she takes over their decision-making like some sort of RSVPzilla. Next time, try sending the invitations to the nephews first, and let them figure out how to say “yes” or “no” before you send the invite to their mom.
Perhaps this way you’ll get a straight answer for a change! Just remember to keep an eye on Miss Manners’ sage advice over at washingtonpost.com/advice and visit her website, missmanners.com. And don’t forget to follow her on Twitter @RealMissManners, where hilarity and manners make a perfect blend for your daily dose of etiquette.
© 2023 Judith Martin
