As the Bermuda High settles over the Southeast and forces hot air up from the south-central Plains and over the heartland of the US, the Great Lakes, the Northeast, and the Mid-Atlantic, the whole country is turning into one giant sauna. And not the good kind with steam and relaxation – this air is Sahara-dry, letting temperatures skyrocket with abandon!

Wednesday’s weather forecast had Bostonians dreading 70-degree heat, DC residents bracing for mid-80s, and folks in Indianapolis, Columbus, Chicago, and Milwaukee playing a game of “Will we or won’t we hit 80 degrees?” The High Plains were in for a scrumptious smorgasbord of 80s and 90s, with even Omaha and Lincoln dipping their toes into 90-degree water. The Ohio and Tennessee valleys were bathed in upper 70s, while our friends down in central and West Texas enjoyed some lower to mid-80 shenanigans.

As if that weren’t enough, Thursday got even more spicy, with New Englanders potentially sweating in the 80s while their average high for the season was a mere 56. DC warmed up with some delectable mid- to upper 80s, and Chicago basked in lower 80s even though their norm at this time is below 60 degrees! Friday eased up a bit, but even then, Washington and New York kept partying in the mid-80s.

All this hot, dry, windy hullabaloo meant increased fire risks in areas ranging from Cinderella’s Castle in New Mexico to the end of the Cape Cod. Red flag warnings were flying, signifying that fires started could both rapidly spread and be difficult to extinguish.

Ready.gov, FEMA’s all-out campaign to make American disaster-ready, donned its firefighting gear and provided these fire-prevention tips:

– Never park your proton torpedo-sized vehicle on dry grass.
– Impress your friends with fire juggling (just kidding, avoid open flames)
– Trash your dreams of DIY bonfires, especially with plastics or tires.

And amidst all this heat, the jolly air devils, also known as dust devils, put on their dancing shoes in the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic. These are frolicking mini-tornadoes that love to emerge on hot & sunny days, causing little more than inconvenience unless they go rogue and cause minor damage with their 40 or 50 mph gust. What’s triggering these chaotic little whirlwinds? Usually something like warm pavement heating up a pocket of air until it’s ready to tango!

At least one part of the eastern US refused to participate in this temperature frenzy, sitting sulkily in comparative coolness on the Gulf Coast. Apparently, a pesky cutoff low, a blob of cold, spinning air hanging over the Gulf of Mexico has been denying residents there the sunshine and heat enjoyed elsewhere. Although it turned out the pocket of cool air couldn’t summon subtropical storms, it did manage to spawn a few isolated severe thunderstorms that threatened the Gulf Coast from Alabama to the Florida Panhandle with a chance of tornadoes.