Fickle furor banks have dibs on “banking” right at the Federal Fun House, which is why they have such fabulous public subsidies. But sadly, if one bad apple bank goes under, it could be curtains for us all, with all bank deposits turning into Mr. Taxpayer’s problem.

But if we separated money making from private lending, banks could focus on private loan shenanigans, while the Feds could provide check-sorting services as a bonus for all. Under my fab proposition, all US citizens could have super-access to FedAccounts, that would act the same as boring ol’ bank accounts – you could have direct deposits and withdrawals, a debit card, and even, gasp, write checks! The main difference is that these FedAccount balances would be the safest form of money we have: you’ll never have to worry about losing them (whew).

Just like the bank reserve accounts at the Federal Reserve, FedAccounts would gather interest. But the cool thing is that the Fed would be able to change interest rates whenever they want, making monetary policy an absolute breeze. But don’t worry about the local community banks: the Fed would still outsource services to them, where they would manage your local bank branch just the same.

But if banks were to lose their retail deposits to the Fed, would they still have enough funds to keep lending? Enter the expanded “discount window” facility, helping banks get loans they need to keep rolling. In fact, the Fed would channel funds deposited into private credit markets to keep the ball rolling.

Private lenders could also lend loans and make investments that don’t meet the criteria for the Fed, but they’d have to do this in private markets, keeping private finance nice and private. FedAccounts may raise some tough issues, but it would provide free transactional accounts for Americans and eradicate the need for whining about harsh bank regulations, nasty bailouts, and the dreaded b-word: bankruptcy.