Oh boy, do we have some news for you! It turns out that men are more likely to die than women. Shocking, we know! For all those years, we thought that the lack of sex-specific health research only affected women and gender minorities. But, as it turns out, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
From the moment a baby boy comes into this world, his life expectancy is already behind that of a baby girl. It’s like he’s starting off on a marathon, but with a leg tied behind his back. And as he grows older, the gap only widens. Men are dropping off like flies while women live on and on, seemingly forever.
The United States has a 5.9-year difference in life expectancy between men and women, which is the largest it’s ever been. And don’t even get us started on nonbinary and trans people. The data doesn’t really take them into account because, well, the world isn’t ready for that level of complexity.
It’s almost as though men have some sort of curse cast upon them. They are advantaged in society, yet they have worse health outcomes for most things that can end their lives. It’s like they’re living on the edge, waiting for the day they finally fall off.
The longevity gap isn’t just a problem in the US, it’s a worldwide phenomenon. Don’t blame it on cultural norms, record keeping, or geopolitical factors like war, climate change, and poverty. Men are just more likely to die than women. It’s nature’s way of reminding us that no matter how much we try to outdo each other, we’re all going to end up in the same place eventually.
God, we feel bad for men. They can’t catch a break. No matter what the situation, they seem to be at a higher risk of dying. Take car crashes, for example. In 2020, a whopping 72 percent of motor vehicle crash death victims were male. And it’s not just that – men also accounted for 71 percent of pedestrian deaths, 87 percent of bicyclist deaths, and 92 percent of motorcyclist deaths. Looks like men have some serious issues with the concept of wheels.
Men die by suicide nearly four times more often than women. It’s like they’re trying to beat women at their own game, but failing miserably. The rate of suicide is highest in middle-aged White men. But, you know what else? Teen boys are also killing themselves at an alarming rate. It’s like they want to grow up to be middle-aged White men and join the club.
Even when they’re infants, boys are already more likely to die than girls. It’s like the universe is playing a sick joke on them. The mortality rate is higher for boys compared to girls. Maybe it’s time we start teaching baby boys some survival skills. Who knows? It might just save their lives.
Ahhh, yes. Cancer. We hate to say it, but men are getting the short end of the stick once again. The cancer mortality rate is higher among men than women. It’s like cancer has a thing for men. Black men, in particular, are getting hit the hardest. Among Black women, the cancer mortality rate is significantly lower. It’s like cancer has figured out what we’ve all been thinking – “Why bother with women when you can just go straight for the men?”
Diabetes, anyone? Men are more likely to die of diabetes than women. Their death rates are far higher than that of women. It’s like diabetes is a predator that stalks men and men alone. Maybe it’s time men start picking up some healthier habits. You know, like yoga or veganism.
*Cue ominous music* COVID-19. That’s right, folks. Men are at a greater risk of dying from COVID-19 than women. We’re not quite sure why, but it’s definitely not because they’re less likely to wear a mask or practice social distancing. Nope. Definitely not that.
Look, we’re not trying to take away resources from women, girls, and gender minorities. We’re fully supportive of their efforts to improve their quality of life. But, let’s not ignore the fact that men’s health needs unique attention. It’s not just about men’s health, it’s about the rest of the family as well. Women and children are affected by this too. It’s like when you forget to change the oil in your car – it’s all fun and games until the engine starts smoking.
So, there you have it. The reasons behind the longevity gap aren’t fully understood, but it’s probably because men have high levels of testosterone, engage in more risky behaviors, and are taught to hide their feelings. It’s like they’re living in a never-ending game of Jumanji. Is there anything we can do to break the curse? Who knows? But, in the meantime, let’s just hope men start taking better care of themselves. After all, we don’t want them to go extinct, do we?
Serious News: washingtonpost
