Listen up folks, because this art-loving feminist has a story to tell. I recently visited an exhibition featuring a 19th-century female artist, but to my dismay, the brochure only listed her as “Mrs. John Smith” with no first name given. Can you believe it? As if a woman’s identity only exists in relation to her husband! My companions tried to defend the practice, but I was having none of it.
I mean, is it too much to ask for a little sensitivity towards women’s names and identities? But alas, my own husband and mother-in-law shut me down with their lack of interest. How rude!
Now, I’m left wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut. But seriously, shouldn’t we be more aware of past practices if we’re trying to understand art from a different era? Miss Manners seems to agree, saying that condemning people from the past for not following our modern-day etiquette is not only tedious but also pointless.
As it turns out, using “Mrs. John Smith” was actually pretty common in the 19th century. Even feminist and abolitionist Lucy Stone had a hard time breaking away from this tradition when she got married. So, while it might offend our sensibilities today, we need to remember that our ancestors had their own cultural and social norms.
Speaking of women and their names, did you know that many female artists from that time used their married surnames? Unfortunately, not all of them were as memorable as Beatrice Rose Stella Tanner. That’s why she chose to be billed as “Mrs. Patrick Campbell,” even after her husband died and she remarried.
In the end, what the writer of the brochure was trying to do was simply respect the artist’s choice of name. So, let’s cut them some slack, shall we?
Moving on to a different topic, let’s talk about birthday celebrations. Specifically, when someone invites you on a cruise to celebrate their birthday. Sounds fun, right? Except, they expect you to pay for your own expenses, including getting to the cruise ship and the cost of the cruise itself. Um, excuse me?
Miss Manners has a few things to say about this. First of all, these people aren’t exactly inviting you to their celebration, they’re suggesting that you join them on a vacation. And just because it’s their birthday doesn’t mean you’re obligated to foot the bill.
All you have to do is decline politely and wish them a happy birthday and safe travels. No need to give a reason why you can’t afford it. After all, it’s their party and they can pay for it themselves, am I right?
If you’re looking for more advice on how to navigate awkward social situations, then head over to Miss Manners’ website or give her a follow on Twitter. Just remember, she may be a stickler for etiquette, but she’s also got a sense of humor.
Serious News: washingtonpost
