Breaking News: A Politician Thinks He Has a “Five-Phase Plan” to Impeach a High-Ranking Official

Hold your horses ladies and gentlemen! You won’t believe what we have for you today. The infamous Representative Mark Green, who thinks he is Tony Stark, announced that he has a “five-phase plan” to impeach the Homeland Security Secretary, Alejandro Mayorkas. Honey, if only we all had a “five-phase plan” for our lives, am I right?

Mr. Green made this announcement in a press conference yesterday and said that the Homeland Security Committee would do all the heavy lifting. Oh, bless their hearts. They will “put together a packet, and we will hand it to Jim Jordan and let Jim do what Jim does best.” Oh boy, I can’t wait to see what Jim does best.

What’s even funnier is that Mr. Green was actually talking about Representative Jim Jordan, the Ohio Republican who leads the Judiciary panel. Wait, wasn’t he the same guy who was yelling at Dr. Fauci during a congressional hearing like a toddler who missed his nap time? Yep, that’s the one. Folks, we are in good hands.

Who knew that G.O.P. leaders were such jokesters? They said they were serious about their threats to impeach Mr. Mayorkas, but we all know that they couldn’t impeach a ham sandwich. Is it just me, or is Mr. Green trying to go from zero to hero here?

However, if you thought this was all talk and no action, well, think again. Mr. Green said that they would start with an appearance by the secretary before his committee on Wednesday. Oh snap, hold on to your seats, ladies and gentlemen. This is about to get real.

In conclusion, this announcement by Mr. Green has given us all a good laugh. We all have our plans, but let’s leave the impeachment process to those who actually know what they are doing. Meanwhile, let’s grab some popcorn and watch this political circus unfold.

Serious News: nytimes