Article rewritten in a humorous tone:

So, it turns out that New Zealand has a bit of a cat problem. Apparently, there are all kinds of feline baddies out there, like Nike stoats, possums, rats, and mice, who are wreaking havoc on precious wildlife. To solve this problem, some people had the genius idea of enlisting children and their air rifles to take out some feral cats. Well, that didn’t sit well with animal rights groups. They were worried that kiddos might mistake somebody’s beloved house cat for a feral cat and end up giving Mr. Whiskers a bit of an owie instead of swiftly ending his life.

And, honestly, can you blame them? It’s not like it’s easy to tell one cat from another. Take Will Appelbe for example. He’s a spokesman for an animal rights group, and he couldn’t tell a feral cat from one that had been tamed and re-homed. So, how is a kid with an air rifle supposed to do it? New Zealanders have a ton of cats, and they let them roam free, which only makes the situation more complicated. The boundaries between wild and house cats are “blurred,” as Will so eloquently put it.

Anyway, the competition organizers thought it would be fun to have kids join in with the feral cat hunt, but that idea got scrapped after the animal rights folks got all worked up about it. I mean, there’s nothing like handing a loaded weapon to a child, am I right? Plus, they probably weren’t very good at killing cats humanely. It’s not like anybody’s born with the ability to make a clean kill shot. And, heaven forbid, they ended up just injuring a kitty instead of instantly sending it to the great scratching post in the sky. That’s just cruel.

So, in the end, the children’s part of the competition got canceled. The organizers said that people were sending “vile & inappropriate messages and emails” to the school that was going to be hosting the event, which was scaring the bejeezus out of them. I mean, who knew that people would get so upset over some kids hunting feral cats? Apparently, a whole bunch of us are really into cats or something.

But, let’s get serious for a sec. Feral cats are a big problem in New Zealand. They’re killing off native animals left and right, which is not cool. That’s why somebody thought it would be a good idea to start taking them out, even if it meant getting kids involved. The Department of Conservation says that feral cat control should be done by skilled people using the right equipment and methods. And, I think we can all agree, that probably doesn’t include a child with an air rifle. So, instead of killing events, how about we start teaching kids to appreciate and protect the native wildlife, huh? Sure, it might not be as exciting as shooting cats, but maybe it’ll do some good.

Serious News: washingtonpost