Hold on to your hats, folks, because we’re talking about guns! Specifically, the AR-15, which is like a machine gun, but not technically a machine gun, because that would be illegal. According to Slate, this bad boy can fire 45 rounds per minute without breaking a sweat. And if you’re feeling lazy and don’t want to reload, no problemo! The AR-15 can hold enough ammo to make Rambo blush.

Now, let’s get serious for a second. We’re all sick and tired of hearing about senseless tragedies where these weapons are used to wreak havoc. Parkland, Pulse, Uvalde, Sutherland Springs, and the list goes on. The latest one was at the Covenant School in Nashville, where some dude decided to play Rambo on school grounds and fired a whopping 152 rounds.

So, what’s the solution, you ask? Well, President Biden could take a page out of Mother Nature’s book and protect ducks. Yes, you read that right. The government can regulate federal lands and restrict firearms in certain areas. If Joe wants to be a hero, he could make it illegal to shoot assault weapons or guns that can fire more than five or ten rounds without reloading on federal land or public shooting ranges that receive federal funds. That’s a whole lotta land we’re talking about, ya’ll.

Now, before you start loading up your AR-15 and heading for the hills, let’s remember that the government will face some opposition. Surprise, surprise. There’s a gun culture in federal land-managing agencies that doesn’t want anyone messing with their toys. But fear not! President Biden can use his leadership skills to make a difference.

Joe could also reach out to governors, tribal leaders, and mayors to put similar restrictions on their lands. And let’s not forget about the bigwig companies that own vast swaths of land. The energy, timber, and agriculture industries should do their part and ban assault weapons on their properties, right? And maybe hunting and fishing groups can get in on the action and urge states to ban assault weapons for hunting. This would put everyone on notice and hopefully lead to some good old-fashioned common sense.

At the end of the day, we all want to feel safe and secure. And if that means protecting ducks and children from being shot by assault weapons, then that seems like a no-brainer. Plus, who knows? Maybe we’ll all start buying beef and lumber from companies that care about the safety of their customers. And who doesn’t love a good duck, am I right?

Serious News: nytimes