Private equity firms, those cunning little devils, have found themselves benefitting from a legal double standard. It’s like playing a game of Monopoly where you get to be the banker, but you also get to make up the rules as you go along. Here’s how it goes: Private equity firms get control over the companies they buy, but they’re hardly ever held responsible for any terrible decisions those companies make. It’s like being a helicopter parent, but for businesses. And we all know how well that turns out.

The problem arises when these firms make risky or foolish moves that could topple their businesses like Jenga blocks. Instead of facing repercussions, they essentially get off scot-free. It’s like their motto is, “We take risks with your money, but you pay the price.” It’s almost enough to make you want to invest in a piggy bank instead.

But wait, there’s more! Not only do private equity firms benefit from the law – they also shape it to their liking. Since 1990, these sneaky little rascals have given over $900 million to federal candidates and hired various government officials to do their bidding. They’ve even managed to rope some Congressional staffers into their web, like a spider luring in unsuspecting flies. And all this time, we thought our elected officials had our best interests at heart. Silly us!

These investments have paid off big time for private equity firms. They’ve managed to protect certain tax treatments that have left them reaping outsized rewards when their investments hit the jackpot. One of these benefits is the carried interest loophole, which lets private equity executives pay ridiculously low tax rates. Three presidents have tried to close the loophole, but all have failed. It’s like trying to plug a leak in the Titanic with a piece of chewing gum.

In 2021, President Biden proposed to end the carried interest loophole for people with very high incomes. He gave his pitch, but private equity opposition was swift and fierce. The largest firms spent millions upon millions of dollars on lobbying efforts, which must have been like feeding time at a shark tank. And, wouldn’t you know it, their efforts paid off. Congress approved an amendment that largely exempted small and midsize companies owned by private equity firms from a new corporate minimum tax. It’s like the firms were playing a game of whack-a-mole, and they managed to whack down one pesky government regulation while winning a brand-new one. Our hats are off to them, we guess.

Serious News: nytimes