So, I am on my second heart transplant, no biggie. The first one was a real dud, so my doctor recommended trying again. And boy, did he deliver! This heart belonged to a real athlete, you know, the type of person who actually enjoys running. I, on the other hand, enjoy a good Netflix binge, so it was a bit of a learning curve to figure out how to keep up with this heart’s stamina.
I’ve been living with these borrowed hearts for 35 years now – I mean, who needs their own heart anyway, right? During all that time, I’ve managed to do some pretty impressive things. I finished law school, got hitched, popped out a mini-me, and even wrote not one, but TWO books. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure I could have done those things with my original heart, but where’s the fun in that?
Now, being a heart transplant veteran, I am a stickler for following the rules. I mean, I may not have any original parts left, but I still want to make these new hearts last as long as possible. So, you can bet your bottom dollar I am following every transplant protocol out there. No butter, no alcohol (sad, I know), and running so much I might as well be Forrest Gump. And all that hard work has paid off because my new heart hasn’t even gotten the sniffles yet.
Overall, my life has been a quest to outlast my limited life expectancy. But, I have a secret weapon – these fabulous new hearts! I mean, who needs a normal life expectancy when you can have a heart transplant every decade? So, bring it on, life! I’m ready for you.

Serious News: nytimes