Let’s talk about a topic that is near and dear to my heart: speaking up. As a self-proclaimed conflict avoider, I know firsthand how hard it can be to voice your opinions. But ladies, we need to embrace our inner difficultness (yes, it’s a word now) and start letting ourselves be heard. Who cares if people think we’re being difficult? We’ll just tell them we’re practicing our Beyoncé attitude.

Now, before I get too preachy, let me tell you about my own personal journey with speaking up. Or lack thereof. You see, in my marriage, I wasn’t speaking up in a productive, lawyerly, “I rest my case” way. No, no. I was being the kind of difficult that makes toddlers look well-behaved. I was super secretive, resentful, and stopped sharing anything about myself with my hubby. Definitely not the ideal recipe for a healthy relationship.

I mean, what did we even talk about? The weather? Our neighbors’ noisy dog? That one time in college when he accidentally shaved off his eyebrows? (True story, by the way.) It was like we were running out of things to say, and I was too stubborn to admit that I was the one causing the awkward silence.

Eventually, I realized that this whole “not sharing my feelings” thing was not the way to go. So, I started making an effort to be more open and honest with my husband. And you know what? It actually worked. Not only did I feel better and more connected to him, but he also started opening up more to me. It was like we were rediscovering each other all over again.

So, ladies (and gents, if you’re reading this), take a page out of my book and start embracing your difficultness. It might not be easy, but it’ll definitely be worth it. Just make sure you don’t take it too far and start throwing plates at people. We don’t want to be difficult AND violent, now do we?

Serious News: nytimes