HomeUncategorizedColorado River Cities & Farms Contemplate "Aquamageddon" in New Federal Review

Colorado River Cities & Farms Contemplate “Aquamageddon” in New Federal Review

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The Colorado River reservoirs, Lake Powell and Lake Mead, are having a major crisis—it’s like the Kardashian’s running out of Kim’s contour palettes! After a decade-long drought, and people taking water like it’s an open bar, these lakes can barely stand the thirst.

Scientists from the Interior Department have reviewed hundreds of pages of alternatives to save these reservoirs, which are as important to 40 million people as a lifeguard in a pool. The options, however, put them between a rock and a dry place: either prioritize thirsty Californian farms or cut water usage across Arizona, California, and Nevada, disrespecting water rights older than anyone’s grand-grandma.

Or they could do absolutely nothing and watch the reservoirs fall to “dead pool” levels, where the water settles down like post-party guests that won’t move out. Interior Department’s Deputy Secretary, Tommy Beaudreau, claims this last option to be the most “consequential” of all—like when an influencer buys fake followers.

This summer, the bigwigs at the Interior Department must make a choice, deciding on how to ration the liquid gold in the Southwest. Currently, they’re aiming to make sure the reservoirs never flow below “minimum power pool” levels—so we don’t have hydropower dams sitting around like overpriced coffee machines without electricity.

So what’s the plan? Encourage states to conserve water by paying farmers not to plant crops and upgrading to more efficient systems. The millions of gallons saved would reduce the need for water cuts by the government—talk about a last-minute save by the entrepreneurial-minded river basins!

The environmental review considers several alternatives to justify these water cuts. There’s a plan to prioritize water rights, which could lead to legal disputes—more drama, lawsuits, and delays. Or another option that bases cuts on the department’s authority is presented to protect the flashy matrons of LA and the quirky hipsters in Phoenix who’d suffer otherwise.

As state officials keep bantering on the best direction, Beaudreau says “nobody’s advocating” for a plan following water rights seniority, even though that’s what California really wants (wink-wink). He added that this route was more to show what would happen if they followed a strict priority system. Yeah, sure, keep telling us that.

Public comments will roll in over the next 45 days. After an intense reality TV-style decision-making process, Secretary Haaland will make her choice. As summer fades, Lake Powell and Lake Mead might just have their own survival stories to tell. The season finale is fast approaching for these reservoirs—let’s hope it’s a happy ending!

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