Washington State has taken a “pro-pill” stance by hoarding a whopping four-year supply of the abortion pill mifepristone like a squirrel preparing for winter. As protection for those on their side, they’ve added a shiny new executive order to their collection to shield pharmacists, abortion providers, and patients from legal boo-boos.

Using its sneaky Department of Corrections and University of wizards — I mean, Washington — as their accomplices, officials have even schemed their way to fast-track legislation allowing health care providers to become the pill fairy godmothers.

Meanwhile, in the lands of Maine and Maryland, officials spent their week doing some late-night shopping online, searching for those sweet mifepristone deals. With 70 percent of Maine’s abortions being done through the miracle of modern science (aka pills), they figured they should probably stock up too!

This pill frenzy came after a stern Texas judge gave the Food and Drug Administration’s 23-year-old approval for mifepristone the boot. Suddenly, Democratic states are buzzing around like headless chickens, wondering how they’ll survive in a post-pill world.