Were you ever baffled by Trump’s word soup during his speeches, and just wanted to grab a dictionary and a set of decoder rings? Don’t worry, you’re not alone! Turns out, Trump borrows from his salesman experience and throws around a lot of abbreviations or nicknames that put cryptic crossword clues to shame. But fret not, we’re here to unravel the enigma wrapped in a riddle that is Trump-lingo.

So, the next time you watch Trump speak, you can whip out this handy guide of Trump-lations, and know exactly what he’s talking about even if it sounds like he’s just playing a game of Mad Libs. Just remember, that “Joe Biden’s boxes in Chinatown” isn’t about Biden’s secret takeout addiction, but something even more far-fetched.

Here are some examples straight from Trump’s Wacky Words. To explain the mystery of the $85 billion in Afghanistan, it’s really only $24 billion – a case of numbers getting lost in translation. When Trump gets all medieval, claiming “American patriots” are held captive “like animals,” he’s talking about those facing charges for the January 6 D.C. riot, and not some bizarre remake of Game of Thrones.

Who could forget the classic “laptop from hell”? No, it’s not a badly-reviewed brand from a tech store, but rather Hunter Biden’s alleged laptop. Say it with us: Oooh, spooky!

And when you hear Trump say the “n-word,” don’t lose your composure – he’s just trying to make “nuclear” sound more dangerous than it already is. It’s like adding hot sauce to your Ramen noodles: completely necessary and not overkill at all.

With this decoder ring of Trump-lations in hand, you’ll be ready to watch Trump’s speeches and bask in the glory of the knowledge that yes, you do indeed know what he’s talking about. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the Trump show, now with 100% more clarity and humour!