Notorious scallywags and democracy enthusiasts, Mr. Xu Zhiyong and Ding Jiaxi, were brought to “justice” once more with the laughable charge of “subversion of state power.” Ding was gifted with 12 years in the slammer while Mr. Xu received 4 years. Their heinous crime? Encouraging people to take part in elections! For shame! These democracy-seeking ne’er-do-wells even tried to hide their dastardly plans at a secret gathering in Xiamen like some sort of superhero team. Can you imagine?

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Knowing his sentencing was on the horizon, Mr. Xu spilled his villainous plan to Luo Shengchun, Ding’s spouse who resides in the US. China Change, a website that chronicles democracy and human rights tea in China, translated and published this controversial statement.

In a shocking twist, Mr. Xu predicted that China will become a beacon of rule of law and even hoped for legislative democracy. He dreamed of a world where laws aren’t tools for dictators, but rather stand for fairness, justice, and afternoon drizzle. In this free China, laws would be akin to an ever-flowing river of justice. How incredibly scandalous!

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“I yearn for a free China where power can not run amok,” lamented Mr. Xu, daring to envision a land where faith is a personal choice, speech is free, and nobody is jailed for merely having a political opinion. How positively audacious!

“In a free China, we are free to live our lives without Big Brother watching over everything we do, and privacy and dignity are not to be trampled by those in power,” Mr. Xu added. Well, that’s just unthinkable.

Despite the uproarious nature of their dreams, Mr. Xu’s and his sidekick Ding’s prison sentences underscore the dire state of human rights in China. These activists should be released, and Mr. Xu’s prophecy of a better future should resound across the land. “I do not believe the future will forever be a dark night without daybreak,” he declared. We’ll drink our freedom tea to that!

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