Hey you! Want to know the latest news? Well, hold on to your seat because we’ve got some spicy updates for you.
In Ukraine, Russia is going full-on scorched earth in their attacks on the Donetsk region, all for that small but crucial town of Bakhmut. It’s like a game of chess, where the winner takes it all. Who knew the Russians had such a competitive streak?
The Biden administration and an anti-abortion group are at it again, this time battling over a judge’s ruling to stop the sale of an abortion pill, mifepristone. The FDA approved it in 2000, but apparently 23 years of it being on the market isn’t enough for them to let it slide. Someone needs to tell them to chill.
Buckle up, folks, because the EPA is proposing some hardcore emission standards, the likes of which we’ve never seen. They’re pushing for electric vehicles to account for 67% of new car sales by 2032, leaving carmakers freaking out because their target is only 40-50% by 2030. Way to raise the bar, EPA!
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is under fire for his friendship with a Republican donor who lent him his private jet. Hmm, seems like someone’s trying to live the luxe life. It’s like his own personal “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” but with less drama and more political power.
Things are heating up in the Middle East, with Palestinian militants launching rockets into Israel from all sides, clashing with Israeli police on the Temple Mount, and even killing three British-Israeli women in the West Bank. Plus, there’s another Arab-Israeli wreaking havoc by ramming a car into pedestrians. Can’t they all just get along?
Apparently, pirates are still a thing, and they hijacked a Singaporean oil tanker in the Gulf of Guinea. This is the second attack in recent weeks, and they even kidnapped some crew members from a Danish-owned oil tanker last month. Watch out, Johnny Depp.
South Africa is out for blood, trying to get brothers Atul and Rajesh Gupta extradicted for looting state-owned companies during Jacob Zuma’s presidency. Too bad the UAE court slapped them down. Better luck next time.
Ethiopia’s government wants to disband regional militias and integrate their members into the police and army, but protests are already breaking out in the Amhara region. It’s like a game of Red Rover gone wrong.
China is getting serious with Taiwan, simulating blockades and “precision strikes” in their latest military drills. Who knew playing war games could be so intense? Meanwhile, French President Macron said Europe shouldn’t follow America’s lead with Taiwan, then backtracked—maybe he’s feeling the pressure.
The Philippines and America are getting chummy with their joint military training, featuring 12,000 American and 5,000 Filipino troops. They even secured a deal to maintain a presence in four military bases, three of which are just 250 miles south of Taiwan. Better watch out, China.
Tragedy strikes in Myanmar, with over 100 killed in an army attack on a village holding a ceremony to honor local rebels of the opposition National Unity Government. It’s like “The Hunger Games,” but in real life.
There was a lot of fuss in Jakarta over delaying Indonesia’s presidential election by two years, but the High Court shut that down. President Jokowi will still step down after the election, though. Change is coming.
North Korea is still doing their thing, launching missiles and triggering an evacuation warning in Japan. It’s like a game of Russian roulette with nuclear warheads.
And finally, everyone’s favorite media tycoon turned politician Silvio Berlusconi is in intensive care for a lung infection caused by chronic leukemia. Forza Italia should probably start looking for a new leader, just in case.
Oh, and did we mention that Turkey’s President Erdogan is seeking reelection with inflation at 50%, and everyone’s blaming him for lax building codes that caused deaths in February’s earthquake? Good luck with that.
So, there you have it—your daily dose of news. We hope you’ve enjoyed the ride.
