So, you’ve been scratching your head, wondering what the heck President Trump is talking about with all of his shorthand references. Boxes in Chinatown? Laptop from hell? J6 choir? It’s enough to make your head spin. But fear not! We’re here to help translate all of Trump’s confusing remarks into something a little more understandable.

First off, let’s start with Trump’s sales background. He’s got a knack for distilling complicated things down to bite-sized nuggets. Unfortunately, for those of us not caught up in his political economy, these nuggets can be a bit confusing. Take for instance his recent comment about Joe Biden’s boxes in Chinatown. What the heck is he going on about?

To solve this mystery, we dug into four recent speeches Trump made and dissected all of his shorthand statements. Don’t worry, we won’t leave any out, so you can get the full grasp of what he’s talking about – even if it’s often dishonest or incomplete.

Let’s start with “$85 billion in Afghanistan.” In an effort to portray the withdrawal of US forces from Afghanistan as negatively as possible, Trump has been spouting off a false claim about abandoned materiel being worth $85 billion. The truth is, it was probably closer to $24 billion. Still not making much sense, is it?

Moving on to “American patriots are being arrested and held in captivity like animals.” Trump has been increasingly embracing the people arrested for the riot at the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021. However, it’s worth pointing out that most of them are being held in prison because they’ve been charged with violent behavior, or have already pleaded guilty.

Now onto the “boxes hoax.” Whenever there’s any investigation into his actions, Trump likes to cry “hoax!” For instance, he’s described the FBI search that turned up scores of documents with classification markings as a “raid,” despite his attorney attesting that any such documents had already been turned over. As for the “boxes” comment, he’s just trying to downplay his own retention of documents with classified markings by suggesting that Biden is somehow hoarding boxes of his own.

Let’s not forget the infamous “China virus.” Trump loves to demonize the coronavirus as being somebody else’s fault, hence why he’s taken to calling it the “China virus.” He’s hoping that by repeating it often enough, people will start to believe it.

And finally, for one last example, let’s look at “witch hunt.” This is Trump’s answer to any investigation into his activity. He thinks they’re all invalid and unfair, even though a grand jury saw things differently.

There you have it, folks! A full translation of all of Trump’s confusing shorthand remarks. We hope this makes things a little clearer for you, and brings a little humor to an often confusing political landscape.