Are you ready for some laughs? Well then, let’s take a look at Walmart. Apparently, they’ve been on a bit of a shopping spree lately, because even though their profits have soared to new heights, they’re still not as high as they seem. One analyst says, “they could curtail that spending if they want, but it’s sort of no man’s land to me.” Ah, the age-old dilemma of when to stop buying those beautiful suede boots you saw on sale.

But wait, there’s more! Walmart made headlines last week for closing four stores in Chicago. And it wasn’t because they wanted to get an early start on summer vacation – it was because those stores simply weren’t performing well. Looks like the citizens of Chicago will have to get their garden gnomes elsewhere.

If that wasn’t enough to put a damper on things, new government data released on Friday showed that the retail industry as a whole isn’t doing so hot. In fact, retail sales dropped 1% in March, which was even worse than Wall Street expected. Talk about a retail therapy fail.

But fear not, Walmart shareholders. Despite a 2% drop last week, Walmart shares are up about 5% so far this year. Who said retail therapy isn’t a real cure for the blues? And if you’re really itching to know how Walmart’s doing financially, never fear. Their first quarter earnings report is set to be released on May 18th. Mark your calendars, folks.

So, there you have it – Walmart’s highs, lows, and everything in between. Just remember, if you ever get down about your own spending habits, just think about Walmart and their shopping addiction. Suddenly, that extra pair of shoes won’t seem like such a big deal.

Serious News: cnbc