Goldman Sachs, the bigwig of corporations and wealthy clients, finally admitted to a not-so-secret secret on Tuesday: they tried to get into the loans and savings game for regular folks, and it didn’t go so well. In fact, it went so terribly that they lost nearly $500 million in the process. Oopsies.

For a company that’s all about making bank, this is kind of a big deal. Even with raking in $3.2 billion in the first quarter (which is basically pocket change for them), those pesky losses put a damper on things. Investors were disappointed and the stock took a hit. So, yeah, they’re not exactly doing a victory dance about this one.

Now, let’s talk about the brains behind this operation. Goldman’s consumer banking arm is named Marcus, after the founder of the bank. Cute, right? Well, Lloyd C. Blankfein, the bank’s previous CEO, thought so too. He started the consumer banking arm and his successor, David M. Solomon, decided to expand it. But after realizing that playing in the sandbox with the “normal” people wasn’t so lucrative, Solomon wants out. And he’s not being subtle about it, either.

Despite Solomon’s desperation to sell this unit and move on from their mediocre attempt at loans and savings, Goldman is still holding onto part of the portfolio. It’s like when you’re trying to break up with someone but you just can’t seem to let go. We’ve all been there, amirite?

To be fair, Goldman Sachs didn’t really need consumer banking in the first place. They were already an investment bank and corporate adviser, and that’s where the money is. But hey, they gave it a shot, which is more than most people (or corporations) can say. Unfortunately, their failure puts even more pressure on smaller and regional lenders, who already have enough on their plate.

In conclusion, Goldman Sachs learned a valuable lesson: stick to your strengths. And maybe leave the loans and savings to the professionals. But hey, at least they gave us a good laugh.

Serious News: nytimes