Are you bored of reading dry and boring finance articles? Well, buckle up because we are about to turn up the humor dial to 11. Let’s start with an absolute classic from KeyBanc who initiates Peloton as sector weight. Apparently, there’s too much uncertainty surrounding the exercise company. Who would have thought that working out could be so complicated? But don’t worry, the McCarthy administration has taken necessary and timely actions, so we can all breathe a sigh of relief.

Next up, we have Baird upgrading Global Payments to overweight from neutral because the pricing environment is attractive. So if you’re looking to make those big bucks without actually doing anything, it might be worth investing in this company. The Q1 industry trends seem quite good, and with a mid-2024 valuation of around $156, you’ll practically be swimming in money.

Now, let’s move on to Guggenheim who reiterates Tesla as sell. This is hardly surprising news considering the stock’s continued decline. But Guggenheim is standing by its sell rating and thinks that investors will be keeping a sharp eye on gross margins as a sign of unit economics. So, if you’re a Tesla fan, you might want to proceed with caution.

Ah, bowling. The great American pastime. Which brings us to Jefferies who has initiated Bowlero as a buy. Apparently, they see strong growth and robust free-cash flow opportunity. Who knew that bowling could be such a lucrative business? I guess that means we should all bowl more often.

Bank of America is taking a liking to self-help stocks in an uncertain macro, which is why they’re reiterating Meta as a buy. They also raised their price target to $250 per share from $230. With revenue set up for potential acceleration aided by Reels and messaging monetization, AI/ML targeting benefits, we can all breathe a little easier knowing that Meta is looking out for us.

Now, let’s move on to UBS upgrading Netflix to buy from neutral. Apparently, they see upside to subscribers and pricing power. And with the competition in DTC starting to ease up, Netflix is looking like the main beneficiary. So, queue up your favorite show, sit back, and enjoy the profits.

RBC is raining on Rivian’s parade by downgrading the electric vehicle company to sector perform from outperform. They see limited near-term catalysts, but believe that Rivian is well-positioned to capture market share as the industry shifts towards electrification. So, chin up, Rivian. Things might not be looking great right now, but the future is bright.

Guggenheim is back again, this time naming Tapestry a top pick because the stock is just too cheap to ignore. With the resilient, highly profitable, and very well-managed Coach brand anchoring the company, we can all rest easy knowing that Tapestry is a sound investment.

Moving on to Bank of America upgrading Azek to buy from neutral because sales are tracking ahead of guidance. Finally, we have some good news! Channel checks indicate that sell-out trends have been resilient year-to-date, which means that we can all breathe a little easier knowing that Azek is a solid investment.

Daiwa has initiated Mobileye as a buy because the valuation is reasonable given strong growth. Apparently, they have a 45x PE on our 2025 EPS est, which is a fancy way of saying that they think the stock is going to do really well. So, if you’re looking to make a quick buck, Mobileye might be worth investing in.

Bank of America is back again, this time reiterating Nvidia as a buy. With their underappreciated transformation into a supplier of high-end gaming, enterprise graphics, cloud, accelerated computing, and automotive markets, Nvidia is poised for success.

Let’s move onto Piper Sandler initiating GE Healthcare as overweight because the company, which spun off from General Electric, is a mature healthcare equipment bellwether. I don’t know about you, but “mature healthcare equipment bellwether” doesn’t exactly sound like the sexiest investment. But hey, who are we to judge?

Wedbush has upgraded Western Alliance Bancorporation to outperform from neutral because of rebounding deposits. That’s right, folks. Deposits are rebounding, and we can all rest easy knowing that Western Alliance Bancorporation is on the up and up.

And last but not least, Wedbush has added Regions Financial to the best ideas list because they like the regional bank’s strong deposit franchise. With 75% of its deposit base insured or collateralized, Regions Financial is looking like a top pick.

Well, there you have it, folks. A finance article that was actually kind of fun to read. Who knew that finance could be so entertaining?

Serious News: cnbc