Paragraph 1: Hey, folks! Get ready for some political drama! The White House is planning to use an upcoming ceremony to do some classic Republican-bashing. According to secret-squirrel sources (aka a White House official who isn’t supposed to blab), President Biden is going to show those GOPers who’s boss by painting them as tree-chopping, oil-guzzling baddies who don’t care about anyone’s wellbeing or the state of the planet. Ooh, burn!

Paragraph 2: Get your gardening gloves and flower crowns out, because the president is planning an eco-party in the Rose Garden! You heard it right, folks – Mr. Biden is gonna sign an executive order that’ll force every federal agency to focus on environmental justice. And not only that, they’ll also have to come up with plans to deal with the gross impact that pollution and climate change have on communities of colour and tribes. The agencies will have to report on their progress too – talk about accountability!

Paragraph 3: But wait, there’s more! The Prez is also gonna talk about science and all that nerdy stuff. He wants the agencies to tackle gaps in knowledge about pollution’s cumulative effects on people of colour. Basically, he’s saying that the government needs to do better to help folks who are dealing with nasty pollutants on a regular basis. Good on you, Biden!

Paragraph 4: Uh oh, it looks like we’re gearing up for a big ol’ showdown. The Republicans are gearing up to fight tooth and nail about the debt ceiling (yawn). But Biden isn’t gonna take that lying down – oh no, he’s gonna contrast his good vibes about the environment with what some GOPers are all about. According to our sneaky source, the Speaker of the House, Kevin McCarthy (boo!), is all about destroying the planet and not giving a hoot about the economy or public health. Sounds like a real winner, Kev.

Serious News: nytimes