Buckle up, folks, because we’re about to witness the most extravagant and old-fashioned ceremony known to mankind. King Charles is set to hit the streets of London, riding in style in a carriage pulled by an impressive six horses. Forget about a swanky, modern limousine – we’re taking it back to the good old days!
We’re talking about a not-so-direct route through central London, because who wants to stick to the boring straight path when you could take the scenic route instead? And here’s the kicker – we’re headed to Westminster Abbey for a ceremony that’s been going on for over a thousand years. Yes, you heard that right – ONE THOUSAND YEARS. That’s like, older than your grandpa’s grandpa’s grandpa’s grandpa’s grandpa’s grandpa.
Once inside the abbey, it’s time for King Charles to get his groove on. He’s going to sit on a chair that’s been around for over 700 years – talk about vintage. Oh, and let’s not forget about the stone that’s going to be chillin’ there with him. The Stone of Destiny, or as we like to call it, the Scottish sandstone block that’s probably witnessed more history than your high school history teacher. And of course, it wouldn’t be a royal ceremony without a fancy gold cloak embroidered with roses, thistles and shamrocks.
Get ready for the congregation to shout to the high heavens – “God save King Charles!” And this isn’t just any old regular shout, we’re talking a full-blown, I-drank-too-much-at-the-bar-last-night kind of shout. Then, it’s on to the good stuff – holy oil from a 12th-century spoon. We’re sure you’ve never heard of such a thing, but trust us, it’s a big deal.
King Charles will then be handed an orb and scepter, symbolic of his God-given authority and power. Oh, and let’s not forget about the crown. It’s a solid gold beauty that’s over 350 years old and set with enough precious stones to make any jewelry fanatic drool. And where will this crown rest? Why, on King Charles’ head, of course! Talk about a fashion statement.
Now, let’s be real. If you’re scratching your head thinking “what in tarnation is going on here?”, don’t worry, you’re not alone. This whole ceremony is one big throwback to ancient times – the kind of stuff your great-great-grandparents may have witnessed. But hey, that’s the point. Sometimes it’s good to take a step back in time and embrace our roots. The British monarchy reflects the country’s past, and this ceremony is a chance to celebrate that history.
The only problem is, this coronation is happening at a time when we’re not really sure who we are as a society. But hey, maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe we need a reminder of where we’ve come from in order to figure out where we want to go. So let’s sit back, relax, and watch King Charles become the ultimate throwback Thursday.
Serious News: nytimes
