Negotiable alert! I’m looking for a man who lives in the same city as I do, and who shares my cultural and religious viewpoints. FYI, I’m not that fussed about height since I’ve got a nifty height-adjustable wheelchair. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not digging for a guy who is into all of my favorite things; I’m simply searching for compatibility. Being viewed as picky over pitiful is my preference, always has been, always will be.

I recently got chatting to a delightful lady named Julie, who happens to have the same medical condition as myself. She’d recently relocated from France to London and wasted no time in signing up to Hinge in search of companionship. As we regaled each other with our past romances, Julie turned to me and said, “I always figured that the educated guys would be more respectful and understanding, but honestly, they’re just not.”

I couldn’t agree more with her. Back in my uni days in Cambridge, the well-educated men were ten a penny. Even now, lots of my friends are lawyers in London. From that pool, there have been gents whom I’ve taken a shining to and others where I’ve felt deep butterflies in my stomach. The sad fact is they’ve never felt the same way, and none have dared confess their infatuation with the gal in a wheelchair.

I laughed when Julie told me her theory. To her shock, the French business school men and Cambridge chaps have astonishingly similar attitudes. They’re always smiling from ear to ear, happy to become our buddies, and sometimes tease us about wanting to be more. However, that’s as far as they dare to take the flirting, always staying in their lane.

You can’t fault me for having pride in my handicaps and posting about my condition on Instagram. I’m still just as loveable and datable as anyone else, disability be damned! Nonetheless, when I’ve never had somebody declare that they’re in love with me, I can’t help but feel pessimistic once in a while.

My experiences have left me with a sneaking suspicion that most men only recognize me as a female in an amorphous kind of way. Enough to be comforting and tender, of course, but not sufficiently to be sought-after. Of course, nobody’s come right out and spelled this out for me; that would be just plain rude.

Serious News: nytimes